| Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Fred Weasley's Disorder | |
| Cause: | poor dental hygiene |
| Symptoms: | jaw dislocation, beeping, liver pain |
| Cure: | acupuncture |
| Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with Abby's Disease | |
| Cause: | lack of toothpaste in diet |
| Symptoms: | excessive hypothermia, extreme smell of brimstone, glowing in the dark |
| Cure: | take a dozen sprigs of belladonna with meals |