u know?
i guess i've been deceiving myself for a really long time huh?
well when i was with y'all it just felt so rite.
even though sometimes it just felt like shit.
cause wad am i thinkning.
i will NEVER be one of y'all.
why put in all this shit to just be hurt again.
sometimes i wonder.
why id ever wanna be with y'all.
y'all are great peops.
and i just wanna be there and have fun with y'all.
maybe tts the reason why.
we might think or seem to have somthing between us.
but there's nth much compared to wad there is between y'all.
well now there is time for me to think thru this whole year.
and ive come to realized lots.
but i guess.maybe this was just a stepping stone for me to grow.
all the things ive pulled thru this year.
well before today.
I was just totally thinking bout y'all.
how much i missed hanging out with y'all.
then i read some of ur posts and tags.
it just finally woke me up
we're just FRIENDS
ordinary ones.
ones tt u'll forget most probably.
u might not think so.
but how sure are u tt it wont happen?
life's filled with ups and downs.
and i guess this year was my down part.
even though i tot it was one of the happiest times in my whole entire life.
but i still wanna thank y'all for everything.
all this time.there WAS this part of me tt just felt i dont belong.
but i kept thinking i did.
i guess my heart just wanted me to think so.
just when i tot we were back together again.
something y'all said just finally woke me up.
it aint ur fault i dont belong
its not tt i dont believe.
but i think u shld noe tt we will nvr be close.
no matter how much u think u noe me.
or maybe u do.
but tt doesnt bring us close.
i guess maybe we werent meant to be.
and everytime id stare into space.and dream of us together.
happily laughing away
and playing around.
i noe its not as if u wouldnt accept me.
but its just tt when im with y'all.
y'all alwaes have this thing.
tt i wont have
and id feel empty.
but id jus stay happy.
sometimes,well u might not noe, but sometimes one part of y'all just show out indirectly to me.
i dont belong.
i shld just get lost
and leave y'all alone to have fun.
well ure wish is granted.
cause i aint gonna be like tt no more
cause tt feeling is just really really empty and painful.
sometimes i just feel like crying to myself
but i guess crying wont make no difference.
and im hoping nxt year nvr comes.
but one part of me cant wait for it to arive.
cause im scared.
tt i'll just be hanging out with a bunch of peops who've known each other their whole lives
and id just get left out again.
or maybe my live was just mean to be like tt.
i dont noe.
but now i think i can only trust God.
for he's the one who'd truly noe wads best for me.
and he'll make a way.
and rite now.
i just wish i could forget about this pain for a while.
and rest.
i dont think id wanna forget all about it my whole entire life.
id just wanna have a break.
and maybe just have fun.
and laugh.
and be able to smile for real.
and not think about wads happened.